How I Long to Love This World
好想爱这个世界啊
Translation by Claude.
Sunlight falls on a window frame on the second floor of the gym, tracing a perfect cross. By the time I finish a set of rows, it’s gone.
The guy next to me turns his head to look, looks for a long while, then turns back and glances at me, puzzled. The world never looks the same to any two people.
I once wrote that I would always talk about the world, humanity, intelligence, nature, love, literature, living things, desire, the universe. But pile up too many grand, distant nouns and the mind starts to drift.
Really, all I’m after is an intense life. To be curious, to venture out and explore, to dream far and big, and yet to trace the details: to piece back together a self that keeps breaking apart and growing again like the layers of a peeled onion, to sink my roots deep into the soil, and to carry water and oxygen up through them with precision.
The sea has its daughter, the mountains their son. Who am I, then? A son of fairy tales, I suppose. As a kid I listened to my grandpa’s made-up version of Romance of the Three Kingdoms; in middle school, to my mother talking about a liberation still to come; in college, I read about the golden splendor of the far shore. Each one was beautiful as a fairy tale, and each one, without the slightest hesitation, pulled back its blood-soaked curtain at just the right moment, catching me completely off guard.
It’s just that at some point, I can’t say when, I fell in love with the fairy tale.
Life is captivating because it’s complicated, isn’t it? All the little people in this big world are lovable, no matter what. How I long to love this world.
阳光洒在体育馆二层的窗框上，刚好画出一个十字架。做过一组划船，它就消失了。
旁边的男生转过头去看，看了许久，又回头迷惑地看看我。人看到的世界总是不一样的。
之前我写下，要一直谈论世界、人类、智能、自然、爱、文学、生物、欲望、宇宙。可宏大又遥远的名词堆叠太多，总要人晃了神。
其实我只追寻一个浓烈的生活。要好奇心，要冒险探索，要梦得远和大，却又描摹细节，把洋葱剥片般碎裂再生长的自己拼凑起来，深深扎进泥土里，再精密地运输水与氧气。
海的女儿，山的儿子，我又是谁呢？我大概是童话的儿子。小时候听姥爷讲胡编版三国演义，中学时听母亲说未来的解放，大学时读彼岸的金色辉煌，哪一件都是童话般美丽，却又毫不吝啬地把血淋淋的幕布适时揭下，捉人一个措手不及的。
只不过不知何时起，我竟开始迷恋这童话了。
生命是因为复杂而让人迷恋的，对吗？那大世界里一个个小小的人，无论如何都是可爱的。好想爱这个世界啊。